By Dr. Cosmo Delphinius, Interstellar Relations Specialist
In a startling revelation this week, Mexico’s congress displayed what some are heralding as the definitive proof of extraterrestrial visitation: two otherworldly specimens discovered near Peru with features so bizarre they’ve captured the world’s collective imagination. Amidst the clamor of disbelief and astonishment, we’ve sought the insights of an acclaimed figure in the domain of interstellar studies. Dr. Cosmo Delphinius, a leading Interstellar Relations Specialist and professor at the University of Unconventional Understanding, graciously lends his unparalleled expertise to shed light on this groundbreaking discovery in the editorial below.
The moment we’ve all anticipated is finally upon us! As an esteemed expert in Intergalactic Sociology at the University of Unconventional Understanding, I can, with almost unbridled enthusiasm, validate the sensational discovery of our Mexican journalist, Jaime Maussan.
These marvelous specimens displayed in Mexico are undeniably alien—primarily because they look nothing like my Aunt Edna (a frequently used comparative benchmark in alien studies). The elongated heads, for example, are a clear sign of advanced cerebral capabilities, likely used for contemplating the complexities of the universe or deciphering IKEA furniture assembly instructions.
The tri-digital hand configuration (that’s three fingers for the less scientifically literate) surely implies a society free of knuckle-cracking habits, an evolutionary advantage, no doubt. Moreover, their proximity to the Nazca Lines—known in specialist circles as the “Galactic GPS for the Confused Traveler”—is another indisputable indicator of their otherworldly origins.
Critics will say that past similar discoveries were mere mummified children. To them, I counter: Have you ever seen a toddler with such impressive craniums? Clearly, the Mexican skies were visited by these interstellar travelers 1,000 years ago, and frankly, who can blame them for not returning?
